btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
