tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
