if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
