Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
