You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
