He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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