I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
