so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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