he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
