I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
