ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
