fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
