Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
