He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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