if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
