The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize