i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
