New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
