just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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