Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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