She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
