I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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