M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
