Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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