I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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