I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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