He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
