i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
