You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Come on in and take your pants off
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