dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
