Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
