I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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