It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
