so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
