i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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