No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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