i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
thus making me awesome and them whores
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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