I got chris browned last night
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
