Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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