Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
