I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
