he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
