His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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