Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
