it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
