I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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