I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
