I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
