The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
