Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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