party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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