I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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