Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
