dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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