You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
