You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
