If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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