i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
