Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
