Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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