I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
