dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize