Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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