Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
