eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
