Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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