I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
