I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
