Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
