it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize