What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
