Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its not stalking. its research.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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