I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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