would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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