if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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