I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
