I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
