In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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