it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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