What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
try to milk me bitch
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