On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize