I think I died a long time ago.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
