You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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