I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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