I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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