I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
