She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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