dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
