I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
