how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
