her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
