i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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