apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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