a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
