with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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