Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
