she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Man, jail baloney is awful.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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