Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize