my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
