I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
