just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
