I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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