Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
