Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
