It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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